I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
