"it" just moved
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I have post one night stand depression
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
