mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
