so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
