my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
