she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
