I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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