I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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