did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
