Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
