Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
