The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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