Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
