is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
