I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
