i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
