I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
