Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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