How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
