what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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