Your mouth is God's brothel.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
