I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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