She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
