your parents love me but you hate me
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
