How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
