I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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