i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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