You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
