I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
