You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
this hospital has no fireball
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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