My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
