I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
