Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
