My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
