I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
