And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
