pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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