Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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