I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
