We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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