I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
