It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
