I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
