Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i will never coherently bang her
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
