that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Too much gin, very little bucket
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
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