I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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