Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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