yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
