He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
What a dumb baby whore.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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