I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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