I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
