I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
We have started to decorate penises.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
