I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
