She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
