you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
