Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize