So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
