Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
