I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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