well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
i've created a new STD.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
