Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
