So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
