I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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