So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
