Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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