I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
