I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
