I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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